Convenience Stores
Quelle: Spotify
We both know the smell of a convenience store at four a.m. like the backs of a lotta hands
She sells me trucker crack, Mini Thins
It's like Vivarin, but she doesn't make me feel awkward about it
She can tell it's been a long drive, and it's only gonna get longer
Offers me a free cup of coffee, but I never touch the stuff
Besides, I'm gonna need more speed than that
We notice each other's smiles immediately
It's our favorite thing for people to notice--our smiles
It's all either one of us has to offer
You can see it in the way our cheeks stretch out like arms
Wanting nothing more than to say "you, oh, are welcome here"
She shows brittle nicotine teeth with spaces between each one
Her fingers are bony; there's no rings on em
And she'd love to get her nails done someday
One time she had her hair fixed
They took out the grease, made it real big on top, and feathered it
She likes it like that
She'll never be fully informed on some things just like I will never understand who really buys
MoonPies
Or those rolling, wrinkled, dried up sausages, but then again she's been here a lot
longer than me
She's seen everything from men who grow dread locks out of their top lips to
children who look like cigarettes
I give her my money, I wait for my change, but I feel like there's something more happening here
I feel like a warm mop bucket and dingy tiles that'll never come clean
I feel like these freezers cannot be restocked often enough
I feel like trash cans of candy wrappers with soda pop dripping down the wrong side of the plastic
I feel like everything just got computerized
I feel like she was raised to say a lot of stupid things about a color
And I feel like if I were to identify myself as gay this conversation would stop
It's what I do
I feel
I get scared sometimes
And I drive
But in one minute and 48 seconds I'm gonna walk outta here
With a full tank of gas, a bottle of Mini-Thins, and a pint of milk
While there's a woman still trapped behind a formican counter somewhere in North Dakota
Who says she wants nothing more than to hear my whole story
All 92,775 miles of it; I can feel it though
She's heard more opinions and trucker small talk than Santa Claus has made kids happy
So I only find the nerve to tell her the good parts
That she's the kindest thing to happen since Burlington, Vermont, and I wanna leave it at that
Because men--who are not smart--have taken it farther
Have cradled her up like a nutcracker and made her feel as warm as a high school education on the dusty backroads
Or a beer in a koozie
I feel like she's been waiting here a long time
For the one who'll come two-steppin through that door on 18 wheels
Without makin her feel like it's her job to sweep up the nutshells alone when she's done been cracked again
Who won't tempt her to suck the wedding ring off his dick, but will show her, simply, love
She doesn't need me, or any other man, but she doesn't know that either
And I'm just hopin like crazy she doesn't think I'm the one
Because the only time I'll ever see North Dakota again is in a Van Morrison song late, late at night, I promise
Y'all, I feel like she's 37 years old wearing 51 badly
Dying inside like certain kinds of dances around fires to speak through you, a forest
If you weren't so taken with sparks
But she wasn't given those words
She has not been told that she can definitely change the world
She knows some folks do, but not in convenience stores and not with lottery tickets
So I finally ask her what I've been feelin the entire time I've been standin there
Still getting' scared like I do sometimes, really, really ready to drive
I ask "is this it for you? Is this all you'll ever do?"
Her smile collapsed
That tightly strapped-in pasty skin, it went loose
Her heart fell crooked
She said, not knowing my real name
"I can tell, buddy, by the Mini Thins and the way you drive
We're both taken with novelty
We've both believed in mean gods
We both spend our money on things that break too easily, like people
And I can tell that you think you've had it rough
So especially you should know
It's what I do
I dream
I get high sometimes
And I'm gonna roll outta here one day
I just might not get to drive"
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